Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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