just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
