And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
