I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
