Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
