Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
