Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
