my phone needs a breathalizer
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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