I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
