I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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