Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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