His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
