It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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