Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
