She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
