Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
