Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
