my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
