he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
