why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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