Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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