Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i came on her dog
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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