What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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