i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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