I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
