As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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