i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
