Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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