HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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