we'll go far in life on tits alone.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
