Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
should my penis look like a turkey
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
