I am midnight drunk by noon
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
