If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
