I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
