my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
