Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
