it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
