And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
