do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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