you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
