god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
