Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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