you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
