Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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