no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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