you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
