Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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