dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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