you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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