Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
