If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
